“If I ever become a Saint I will surely be one of darkness. I will continually be absent from Heaven to light the light of those in darkness on earth”
Mother Teresa
I found this writing by an unknown person. It describes his experience in Calcutta and I thought it was amazing:
Through the narrow, dark and winding
streets, charcoal fires and
thin silhouettes were filling the
night in this eighth largest city
in the world.
Our rickshaw puller's muted bell
announced our passing and to
please move aside.
As we passed through the smoke of
burning coal and incense,
we stepped back into time and
into another world.
In the lights of passing shops,
we could see tattered clothing on a
frail humanity,
pumping water into an old bucket,
carrying a gunny sack of
dirty papers and rags,
and hammering on a
greasy bicycle frame.
My wife was crying tears and sobbing sobs,
"Take me back home!"
"I want to go back home!"
My heart was thinking,
"Is this a ride through hell?"
"Is this a night in Paradise Lost?"
"Is this what happens
when no one cares?"
"Is this the ultimate end of
a lost humanity?"
"And where are the shepherds
to look for the lost sheep?"
In Calcutta, you walk through human
stench and bone-grinding
degradation and watch a heroic
struggle against all the odds to
survive in a squalor that leaves the mind
gasping for air.
You walk through a no-man's land of
lepers begging
with no noses and
with stumps for fingers
(the flesh long since eaten away).
You see humanity with no limbs, partial
limbs, and horribly twisted limbs
vying for alms with mothers
clutching new-born babies to their
shriveled breasts.
You see children scavenging garbage bins
for bits of broken glass or metal
for 14 cents a day.
Then, before you can get accustomed to
the depths of someone else's misery,
the survival dance takes a different turn.
Out of the corner of your eye, you see an
enchantingly beautiful nine- or ten-year
old girl picking through a pile of
ashes to find some bits of
charcoal to sell.
Her beauty could appear on the cover of
any number of American fashion
magazines were it not for her filth, and
you ask yourself,
"What future does she have?"
"How long before she begins to sell herself for
some man’s quick joyride
at 30 or 40 cents a shot?"
And deeper questions jettison into your
conscience,
"What is my responsibility here?"
"Am I my brother's keeper?"
"Who is my neighbor?"
And this is where Mother Teresa lived and died...(or she died and then lived)
Everybody loves Mother Teresa. I haven’t met a person in 27 years of my life that has nothing but respect and admiration towards this great little woman. I have read about her and always wanted to be like her in being able to sacrifice myself for any cause greater than myself. The fact that every single person in this world admires her shows that there is something within each one that knows that life is not about us. It might not look like Momma T’s missionary of charity work for the poor and dying destitute, but living a life of unselfishness would certainly look like the sacrificial love that she imitated from Jesus Christ in the cross.
Very few people actually stop admiring and begin to imitate that life style. Fewer than few are in the process and are still figuring things out, such us requirements to consider before actually giving oneself as a living sacrifice. That is where I put myself. I question myself if my desire to sacrifice my life to advocate issues of injustices is as genuine as Mother Teresa was serious in loving the poor. If I apply some honesty here I must admit that I continually premeditate the sacrifices I make, sometimes unconsciously, other consciously. Is that real sacrifice? Does unconditional love/sacrifice has conditions? I think is a little paradoxical. My life is a paradox, a contradiction. I definitely should go through an honesty check more often.
Definitely Mother Teresa is someone I consider a hero; not for her work and dedication to the poor and the dying and destitute; nor for the nice quotes she left us to write in our face book profiles. I admire her for her power to sacrifice without requirements. I have been seen how missionaries work around the world, and how non-profits organizations functions and there is always conditions and requirements of all sorts, from A to Z, from all colors of the rainbow and wedding ring sizes before "loving people".
I am no ignorant and I am quite aware that without money we can't do much; we cannot help a hungry child or cure someone’s disease. But seems that it was not that important for Momma T and she has never have those requirements to start to acting justly, love mercy and walking humbly: begging for food herself to feed the orphans was a sacrifice she made but she never required of God to provide everything before she started living the life she was called to.
How many people like helping the poor but with the condition of a home with a bed and a place to shower? Or How many of us are willing to live with the poor somewhere in the slums in Thailand, knowing that we can always count in having few dollars that someone, either family or friends, will deposit to held us to get our basic needs and once in a while a treat?
I want to help everyone only if I have my own comfort zone within my uncomfortable zone. I have conditions to help. I am a hypocrite; that’s what I am and I realized that there are so many things I have to confront. But Mother Teresa was not even close to be a hypocrite: she became an orphan herself (separating from her family), and lived among the poor leaving behind the comfort of her cozy convent in Loreto:
“Our Lord wants me to be a free nun covered with the poverty of the cross. Today I learned a good lesson. The poverty of the poor must be so hard for them. While looking for a home I walked and walked till my arms and legs ached. I thought how much they must ache in body and soul, looking for a home, food and health. Then the comfort of Loreto [her former order] came to tempt me. 'You have only to say the word and all that will be yours again,' the Tempter kept on saying ... Of free choice, my God, and out of love for you, I desire to remain and do whatever be your Holy will in my regard. I did not let a single tear come.”
I am soon going to India and there are lots of mix emotions in me. I have always admire Mother Teresa. But how much longer will I admire? Why is it taking me so long to unattach myself from comfort and safety? Most people look at my life and think I have done so much already, that I am some sort of a hero: I left my home, my family and friends, the certainties of a normal privileged life and enjoying commodities, but when I look at Mother Teresa, I realize how much more there is I haven’t yet let go and a superficial selflessness. I want to let go of the conditions for sacrifice; I want to have cero requirements to do something. I want to be set free to live and die like she did, or to die to live the way she did.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that in order to live a life of sacrifice you must unattach yourself from all blessings that God gives you in the form of material wealth. What I am talking about is that condition we give which influences our decisions to do something or not. The balance that sometimes we use to measure the trades off, either material, emotional or physical.
I hope you don’t think I am taking things to the extreme, I dont think you would have ever told
Momma T: hey, I see you are loving way too much this orphans, the poor and the lepers. I know that there is no such thing as loving too much, but there is definitely such thing as loving too little and it depends on your requirements to love. I am learning. I will see the light in the darkest place and maybe when I go to Calcutta I will finally die to my self, stop admiring, and become the free person covered with the poverty of the cross.
To be continued…